Bacon Vegetarian

A little over a year ago, I stopped eating meat. Since then, I have stuck to a vegetable diet, lost around 15 pounds, and feel both healthier and more energetic. However, I have not really become what most people think of as a vegetarian.
My lovely wife, Kelly, is a real vegetarian. When she looks at a cow in the field, she thinks of it with compassion and caring. I see of a food truck with hooves. If veggies had a church, she would be in the choir; I’d be in the back row, surfing my cell phone for sales on chops. There is no question I have not become what you would call a convert.
The smell of bacon cooking or meat on someone’s grill is still heavenly to me. It makes my mouth water and fills me with meaty thoughts of ribs, fried chicken, and pulled pork sandwiches. The other morning, I woke up from one of my carnivore dreams with the taste of a BLT in my mouth, a scent of bacon still lingering in the air of the bedroom. Wiping my mouth, I sat there looking around, confused but full. Those are not the dreams of a true vegetarian.
I still find myself automatically pulling up to burger joints, drawn in by the smell of meat frying on the griddle. “What am I doing here?” I ask myself. The other day when this happened, I thought, “I could chew the cheeseburger, but not swallow it.” Great idea! Out of the car in a flash, I was almost seated when it came to me: I don’t have that much will power. It would be chew and swallow without a doubt. So, back into my car and down the road.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m enjoying great meals. I don’t feel deprived at all. If anything, I’ve discovered a whole new world of flavor. Eating continues to be a pleasure and is more diverse and interesting when compared to my old stand-by: steak, potatoes, gravy, and green peas. It is not a matter of having less, I have much more. But that doesn’t make the craving for meat go away.
Did you know they can infuse gin with bacon? That would be a great alcohol burp! Bacon now flavors almost anything : toothpaste, jelly, peanut butter, ice cream, gum, candy. Wow, bacon is everywhere. The world and I are moving in opposite directions.
That may be true, but at night in my sleep, I enjoy all the bacon I can eat.

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About the author

Scott Funk has specialized in Home Equity Conversion Mortgage reverse mortgages for over a decade. He is a recognized Aging in Place advocate in his home state of Vermont. His monthly newspaper column Aging in Place has run for 7 years in 24 papers around the state. Scott is brings a lighthearted approach to his talks on Boomers, retirement and aging on purpose.